The Object of My Disdain
by Violain.Mythoria
Summary: Six years after Fuuga's falling out, a tragedy forces two rivals to meet. [Juubei x Kazuki], [Toshiki x Kazuki], [Toshiki x Juubei] [AUish, but slight spoilers to later episodes...?]


**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Get Backers, so stop asking. XD

**A.N.** I started this fic about a year ago, stopped and then picked it back up/finished it in March. I finally got the courage to post it. Why lack the courage you ask? Well, this is a very long, and what I feel, a ramble-filled fic. If you get bored halfway through and stop reading, it's okay... I thought I'd post it for those who actually _are _interested. I would greatly appreciate reviews on this one because I'm so on the fence about it. Either way, I do hope you enjoy it. :333 I might even write a sequel for it eventually-- one less serious and possibly more slash...? **Obviously, it's still AU, but there are still some slightly ambiguous spoilers in the later episodes and chapters in the manga.**

**Dedication:** This one is for my dear friend, _Maldaeien_ who so enthusiastically spurred me on to finish this. You certainly were my muse for this fic and I appreciate it so much-- even you trying to get me to post it much to my unexplainable paranoia. XD You're the best, lovely!

**-Toshiki- **

"Do you hate Juubei, Toshiki?"

I turned to face Kazuki who looked very concerned about my reply. His eyebrows were knit down in a look that could be described at sympathetic. My own eyes slanted in annoyance at the question. "What if I told you that I do hate him?"

The retort flew from my mouth, though I don't falter in the least. My eyes were continuously locked with the leader of Fuuga, further proving my lack of hesitancy.

"Then I would ask why." His voice was just as set as my own; however, it displayed the same sense of reasoning and logic as it always does-- refusing to back down. I suppose it's why I fell in love with him.

At this point, I had to look away from him. At his response...

_'He asks me why!'_ I thought to myself bitterly. Irritation gnawing its way into my mind, making me angry and defensive-- familiar companions to my selfish arguments... I wanted to turn around and shake his frail, clueless body.

_'Because! Because he's everything I'm not! Because he's everything to you that I'm not! He has the very thing I want most in the world, and yet he's completely oblivious to it! He's stupid. He's naive. He's weak. And I hate him for it!'_

I do not share these angry outbursts because I imagined Kazuki's features, and heart would fall significantly, like those of a wilting flower. He is far too kind, especially for someone such as myself, but Kakei... Kakei doesn't deserve him any more than I do.

I also imagined the object of my disdain's reaction if I were to say these things aloud. His unfazed, indifferent face would undoubtedly accept my anger and that would only make me hate him more.

_'Because he's everything that I'm not,'_ the back of my mind repeated as my fists clenched in suppression until my knuckles were white and my fists were nearly trembling. I cursed myself silently, as if there were some magic words I could've said, or something that I could've done to make Kazuki realize just how much I idolized him... Loved him.

Of course, several years later, Fuuga disbanded and the well known pair joined VOLTS, led by Raitei. I decided not to follow him, but to seclude myself-- to save myself while I still had the time to, because I knew not only would Kazuki never care for me as deeply as I wished that he would, but the days of Fuuga, our days, were undoubtedly over.

**-Juubei-**

"You and Toshiki really seem to dislike each other... Why is that, Juubei?" Uryu had only joined Fuuga a few weeks before so I hadn't had much of a formed opinion of him. Combative was the first word that came to mind, whether he was fighting or not... His question is serious, but he's smiling in attempt to coax an answer from me, however the oddity of the question caused me to blink and when I hadn't answered moments later, Kazuki sighed. "It's just that-- you both clash with everything. Can't you just talk to him? Negotiate?"

Uryu and I were unexplainable. Even after I had willingly accepted that he had chosen to join Fuuga; he'd been anything but cooperative or compassionate like most group members were to each other. Frankly, I don't think he cared whether I was alive or dead.

Day by day, he seemed to treat me colder and I allowed his harsh comments and criticism, which came at me with the force of his wind, to wash over me like a dying storm, letting nothing show. I figured that there must've been a reason for his bitterness because he was always kind to Kazuki. It wasn't until some time later, that realization sunk in. His adoration and fascination for Kazuki. His jealousy and resentment for me. What he didn't know and what I neglected to see was that deep down; I was harboring the same ugly resentment.

"I don't know," I had muttered as response at the time, unsure how to answer his question without insulting the blond. "He's a great fighter, especially worthy of being in Fuuga--"

"That's not what I asked about, Juubei... He... Toshiki is a great addition to Fuuga, I don't doubt that. I just don't want unnecessary conflict and you two..."

"I think we're just too different."

"Hmm," he'd said, acknowledging our many conflicts and our conversation was over.

At the time, I knew why I didn't like Uryu. He was rude, and not to mention ungrateful. There were also these times when we were fighting and Kazuki would watch him, commenting admirably about the way he took his enemies down in all ruthlessness with his winds. My heart would twinge in unexpected pain every time and it further fueled my dislike for him.

What I'd realized too late into the song and dance routine was that if I could've told Kazuki the truth that day, what I was truly thinking, I would've looked into his sincere, patient eyes.

_'He's so different that I'm frightened. He could take you away from the pain of your past... He could take you away, and you'd never have to look back on those horrible memories... On me.'_

I was foolish for thinking that, but subconsciously, it was terribly threatening. To me it was highly possible.

_'He can give you everything that I can't,'_ I thought each time my heart felt that twinge of pain and fear.

Years later, after Fuuga, and even VOLTS had fallen apart, I had allowed that doubt combined with many others to control me. It eventually caused the wish for my own self destruction after I'd turned against the man I was supposed to protect. I did not deserve his forgiveness or help, but he'd ruled against me, refusing to listen to my verbally expressed guilt.

There was a brief period-- far too brief, where we were happy. We embarked, searching for a possible cure for my self inflicted blindness, despite the circumstances and the past, we held onto the same understanding and wonder as we did when we were children.

That time was cut painfully short, and now Kazuki is gone again. Only this time, I wouldn't be as lucky, as he would not be coming back. Which is why I am now here at Uryu's front step six years after Fuuga's separation.

I feel ice blue eyes staring a hole into me, just as intense as I remember them. By now, I've acquired certain advantages to being blind; I can read situations and people far better than I could prior to. Before I can even speak, he throws questions into the air that take more than a few words to verify.

"What are you doing here, Kakei?" Confusion.

"Where is Kazuki?" Hope.

"What happened to your eyes?" His voice doesn't display any sympathy towards my sight, as if I'd had it coming all along.

He doesn't invite me in right away, and I realize quickly that he hasn't changed much at all. It feels like when we were young, quarreling in Fuuga again. Compared to this, I wish that we were.

When I do step into his home, he does not help me. This is fine; I'm not offended, because by now I am more than capable of figuring out the structures of houses. I trace my fingers against the rough walls of the small dwelling until I find a room. He makes a sound of reassurance and tells me to sit down. I choose the first piece of furniture I find, closest to the wall, sighing as I slink into the chair. There is no time to be comfortable, because his eyes are watching me again, staring with impatience.

"Well?" He says simply. Suddenly, I don't know where to begin.

**-Toshiki-**

Six years feel like six hours as I stand, leaning against the doorway leading into the room where Kakei is sitting. My arms are crossed, waiting for an explanation. I am surprisingly calm after such a long time, finding it natural to be just as cruel to him.

"Well?" I urge, impatience laces the word making him undoubtedly rigid with familiarity.

"Kazuki's gone," Kakei tells me as if I'd actually care.

"I left him and everyone else when Fuuga fell apart. Why would I give a damn now?" I retort, somehow angry that in my absence he had allowed Kazuki to suddenly return to the outside world. I had not approved of Raitei so I'd left, but now the reason I had gone was apparently in vain. My blood boils for the long haired man I had once followed.

He stares at me with closed, sightless eyes, but somehow obviously puzzled at my reaction.

"You believed in him too, Uryu. You deserve to know--"

"Know? That he left VOLTS? That he left you! None of that means anything to me anymore, Kakei. Don't you get it?"

"Left VOLTS...? I'm afraid you misunderstand me, Uryu. Kazuki... He's dead."

"What!" I find myself shouting, my expectations and logic flying out of the window upon hearing those words. "You're lying! Ito no Kazuki would not just die!" I become more enraged when he shakes his head, emphasizing that Kazuki was indeed human.

My breath shallows significantly. My heart beats faster, louder than it has in years so that it resounds throughout my whole body. Coldness strikes me; the blood in my veins turns to ice as the realization slams into me.

"Uryu--" He wanted to reason. He wanted to compensate. I refused immediately, not wanting to hear it. Not wanting to hear any of it... Even if I had not joined VOLTS to be beside him, I did not want him to die. It seemed too cruel of a fate for such a beautiful creature...

My hand reaches my mouth and I let out a small laugh. In all actuality, who else could be at fault? "Where... Where were you! You were his guardian since birth and you can't even do that right! You just let him die!"

**-Juubei-**

I can feel every part of myself-- mentally and physically, spiraling downwards at his angry questions and accusations. Even if his death had happened over a year ago, I still blamed myself. There must've been something that I could've done. At least I convinced myself that it was true, even though I know Kazuki would've said otherwise, given the chance. "I..." I begin, gulping. Perhaps I wasn't as prepared for this as I'd previously thought.

_'I let him die...'_

I exhale deeply, expecting no less of Uryu to jump to conclusions. "He went to Beltline without me, just like he did before. Surely you remember that. His body was found a few days later."

"You promised me that you alone would keep him safe, Kakei," he said, not sounding nearly as angry, but just as accusing. I could hear him slouch into a chair slowly.

"I know what I'd promised, and I'm sorry that I couldn't keep that promise," I reply in attempt to rationalize the situation; however, Uryu lacked that sense, same as always. "He'd left on his own in the middle of the night. I couldn't stop him. I never could." Uryu should've at least remembered how stubborn Kazuki was. Once he had his mind set, he wouldn't waver in the least.

"There had to be signs though-- before he'd left. Certainly I would have at least caught on." My anger soars at his undermining. He truly hadn't changed from those years ago.

"Because you knew the first time!" I say, just as venomously. I could not hold myself back when he gave himself so much credit. If he thought even for a moment that he could've stopped Kazuki any more than I could have, maybe he had changed. Maybe he'd never known Ito no Kazuki at all.

I can feel his cold eyes staring back at me. Surprised by my uncharacteristic outburst.

"It doesn't matter anyway, Uryu. He's gone," I admit sadly, as his silence welcomes mine. I refused to keep arguing this way. Kazuki would've hated it and I think Uryu sensed that much.

**-Toshiki- **

"He... Was happy right?"

"What?"

"His life, it was good wasn't it?" A sad smile makes its way to my face. Kakei seemed shocked by my question, just as I was surprised, yet intrigued by his anger moments ago.

"His life... That reminds me." He pulls out an envelope that had my name on the front of it. I recognize it as Kazuki's handwriting. I see that he also had one letter for himself. I realize, however, that he has no intention of letting me see it in how he quickly places it in his jacket, out of my view.

"Why didn't you give me this before?" I question, taking the offered envelope and tearing it open. A letter and a painfully familiar golden bell were its contents.

"I was so nervous, I forgot," he said honestly. "You asked if he was happy, right? Well, in my letter he told me that we fulfilled it. We were his happiness, Uryu." He was obviously telling me the truth; Kakei never lied about anything. "I've made Anee-chan read his letter to me so many times that I have it memorized."

I toy with the small, golden weapon. The nostalgia of its faint ringing forced me to clutch it. There were still so many things I did not want to accept... My eyes drifted to my letter and I open it without hesitation as Kakei sat in silence, I read it to myself.

_Toshiki,_

_If you've received this, it means that I've already left this world. If Juubei hasn't already told you, I've decided once again to hunt the monsters of Beltline and look for the people who'd slaughtered the Fuuchoin family. I know it's ridiculous. I probably should've quit while I was behind the first time, right? Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't allow myself to do that..._

_You're probably wondering why I'm bothering to contact you after Fuuga disbanded so long ago. Despite the amount of time that has passed, you've always been remembered in my heart vividly as someone with such a fierce will. Thankfully, I was able to witness daily how you fought with the same passion that you lived your life with. Never giving anything a second thought, you consistently acted before thinking, and before you get angry I want to say that few people live this way and I admired you greatly for it._

_I wish to express my gratitude... You and Juubei were both better guardians than I could have ever hoped for. In each of your ways, you made my life worth living-- you were my happiness, even if you did refuse to see eye to eye, which brings me to my next request and point._

_You have to understand how difficult it was for Juubei to give this letter to you. Not only to bring the news of my death, but to someone who searches for faults, reasons to hate him. You mustn't deny that much, because you and I both know it's the truth, just as it is for Juubei._

I glance up from the letter to stare at Kakei. In one way, at least, we were alike. We looked desperately for these things in each other that made us horrible people. The dislike, the hate, was mutual, not that I had doubted that in the least. It just felt strange that Kazuki had noted it. It was also strange because Kakei never seemed as angry or as bitter as me. He always appeared the better, more reserved of the two.

_I want you to talk to him. Rationalize with him, because you have so much to say to each other. I want you to set aside your differences and converse like friends, like the comrades you were meant to be before hostility took over. One decent conversation is all that I ask for, Toshiki. You could very well ignore this request because I did not mention it to Juubei in his letter, however, somehow, I know that you will comply._

My hands clutch the letter in a childish anger, angry that Kazuki would assume so much about my own actions.

_Enclosed is one of the Fuuchoin weapons- one of my own. Certainly you must recognize it. I'm giving this to you in case you doubt your significance in my life. After all, there is one thing you and Juubei have in common now, right?_

_Thank you again, Toshiki for being one of the people to give my life meaning. I am sorry that I could not see you one last time, but you'll always be engraved in my thoughts, and I'll never forget the way that you lived your life._

_Kazuki_

"I still... Can't forgive him. It was practically a suicide mission, Kakei!" I say, gripping the letter at my side. He nods in quiet understanding, signifying that he'd once felt the same emotions towards Kazuki. I sigh, knowing that there is nothing that I can say that he hasn't already heard from himself.

"He wants... He wants us to talk," I say, the sentence sounding anything but ordinary. The last word is spoken as if I cannot comprehend it myself. Neither can he. He tilts his head, eyebrows knit.

"What?"

"In my letter. He said he wants us to talk like... Friends." Surely, he knows that I am not making this up. What would my motive be for doing such a thing? I feel so many things at once as he comprehends Kazuki's request. Prominent emotions on my behalf being humiliation and embarrassment for actually complying. As he wrote, I could've easily avoided this... Joke. How would that bode on my conscience? Not when even after six years I still loved him more than I had loved anything in my entire life. As I read the letter, my heart ached just as it did in the past when I had seen him everyday. I couldn't deny him anything, even the thing I avoided the most. Hated the most... Yet, here it was right in front of me.

"What would be the point in that?" He asks honestly, with no ill intent, but I let out a dry, unappreciative laugh.

"How the hell should I know? Didn't you know him best as his little lapdog?" There. His reply is beaten down. A smug smile tugs its way to my lips as I silently question why it is amusing to torment him. To see his face falter in such annoyance. Again, six years feels like no time at all.

"You aren't making his wish any easier..." He sighs.

"Like you are!" I bark back.

**-Juubei-**

Somehow I doubt this is what Kazuki had in mind when he wrote Uryu's letter...

"What does he mean though? Doesn't he elaborate? What does he want us to talk about?" The questions seem to fly from my mouth uncharacteristically. I risk the chance of even more overwhelming anger, but it does not phase me.

"I don't know," he says, his voice genuinely confused as he rummages through the letter, the sound of shuffled paper fills my ears. "Just to talk... To... Have a decent conversation." His disgust at the mere thought is anything but contained. As if he were supposed to have a conversation with someone lower than himself.

Silence fills the room and again, I feel the same ice blue eyes burning into me in critical contemplation. Moments like these are the ones that frighten me the most with him because I do not know what he is going to say.

"How did you become blind?" The last word swims through me like a giant fish. He had mentioned my condition when I'd first arrived, but the question had been set aside for apparent reasons.

"Do we have the talk about that?"

"Or you could leave. I can't say that I didn't try." No remorse at all.

So, I told him as if I were telling anyone who would ask, disregarding the fact that it was Uryu I was telling the memory to. "There... Was a point in time after Fuuga broke off- even after VOLTS had parted when Raitei left Mugenjou. Not long after, Kazuki did as well. I became resentful and so angry in his absence that I'd betrayed him."

I can easily read his shock; It was radiating from him, and I could not blame him for it. After all, sometimes it still surprised me.

"W-Why would you do that!" He sounds out of breath, disheveled. It's as if his whole world were falling apart all over again.

"I believed in Makubex, one of Raitei's Four Kings. His plans for Lower Town, for the world to be the way it once was... Eventually, Kazuki and even Raitei had come back to Mugenjou, but for a completely different reason. It was to stop Makubex. At the time, I refused to let that happen. My loyalty was placed solely with him, so I had to fight for him. Eventually, I was forced to fight Kazuki."

"You fought Kazuki? That's... Impossible-"

"Improbable, never impossible," I retort, scorn lacing the word. "In the end, I had resorted to using my black needles which were highly dangerous and could easily distort my insides and chi. I... Could not kill Kazuki however. Instead, for betraying him, I saw it fit to give my life. I attempted to kill myself, but I could not even do that correctly. The metal used in the needles inevitably lead to my blindness."

"It all sounds so... Surreal. I can't believe that you-- Kakei! That you would do such a thing!" I sit quietly, accepting his disbelief. "Why in the hell would kill yourself! Kazuki would've forgiven you--"

"Could I forgive myself? I still haven't, Uryu. It's the God's punishment, and I have to spend my life remembering that."

"Mmm, you always were the dramatic self-sacrificing one, weren't you?" He leans back into his chair, proud that he'd uncovered another fault, another crack in my supposedly perfect demeanor. I still failed to see how this was helping Kazuki's request; we were still the same. I just didn't need to make things more difficult than they already were.

"I answered your question. Would it be fair if I asked one?"

"No, it wouldn't." Ignoring this, I continue.

"Why did you leave?" There was no doubt in my mind that he would be angry, but it seemed right... I'd also always wanted to know. He had the choice to join VOLTS, but had declined. "Kazuki... He was heartbroken, you know. Even if he didn't show it." Maybe his anger was partially why I asked this question. He wanted us to talk-- now we were communicating.

**-Toshiki-**

My breath catches between my teeth in an annoyed gesture. "Why the hell should you care, Kakei!" He is unfazed. Always unfazed.

"Can't you just answer that? Why did you leave?"

"I didn't agree with your Raitei," I answer compulsorily. It's the same thing I've been telling myself all these years.

"Liar. There was nothing wrong with Raitei's views. He wanted peace throughout Lower Town is all."

"Go to hell!" I can't help but snap back at his reply as he accused me of lying. He knew nothing because he had everything.

"I'm trying to talk to you. I answered what you'd asked and I think my question is fairly reasonable, don't you?"

"I was sick of it! I was sick of seeing you every day!"

"I don't think that was all."

"What is this, an interrogation!"

"You're making it feel like one..." He mutters, his fingers moving to massage his temples.

"Do you really want to know why I left, Kakei?" My eyes narrow, years of suppressed rage showing through them as I fight the urge to beat him down. "I left because I had finally realized that it was pointless to stay. No matter how hard I would've fought, or how long I would've waited, I never would've been happy. Kazuki never would've been mine-- he never would've loved me and I knew that!"

He remained silent, allowing my words to sink in, allowing the pregnant, awkward silence to consume both of us. I didn't know what he was going to say, but it didn't matter, and he certainly didn't matter. Still, I find my hands digging into the arms of my chair, almost painfully so.

**-Juubei-**

Now I honestly was speechless. The words that I knew were true, but had never heard spoken were laid out right in front of me, yet I didn't feel any different. I didn't feel any better than him... If anything, more questions followed.

"Is that why you'd joined Fuuga, Uryu?" A surprising calm in my tone.

"No!-- God, of course not!" He shoots up from his seat and I can feel the floor creak beneath his pacing. He sighs and the floor ceases. "I just... I didn't want that to be the reason. I wanted out before it became that... I'd known that I'd wasted enough of my time already."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"You know what I meant."

"No, I'm sorry, I don't." I answer honestly. Fuuga being a waste of time for him or me, or anyone for that matter seems so foreign. He couldn't have meant it to sound as cruel as it did, even for Uryu.

He laughs at this, amused. Although I hardly find it a time to laugh. "You're right," he tells me blatantly, shrugging, "You wouldn't know because you've never been alone. You always had Kazuki up until now and I hated you for it."

I could've said so many hateful, bitter things to him.

_'You don't know anything about our relationship.'_

_'You don't know how alone I've felt-- especially when he left! You cannot even imagine!'_

_'And I hated you just as much. I hated how fascinated he was with you. I hated how you were different.'_

Hated?

Instead, my eyebrows slope downward in confusion at his words. "Hated?" I repeat the word... "As in past tense. Is that implying that you don't hate me now?"

I can practically see his eyes rolling in annoyance at my literal interpretation. "No. Hate. I truly hate you, Kakei Juubei, because you were everything to Kazuki that I wasn't. You had the very thing- the only thing I wanted most in the world, but you were completely oblivious to it! You're stupid. You're naive. You're weak, and I hate you for it."

I felt as if I'd opened a Pandora's Box to Uryu's mind, all because of Kazuki's request. Friends or not, this was communication.

"I hate you too," I say for what feels like the first time in my life. Something about Uryu's words had fueled me. They made me feel more alive than I had felt in over a year. "I hate you, because you were so different from us. You could've taken him away, especially when we were so young! You could've rescued Kazuki from so much that I couldn't have! Instead, you left in order to save yourself when you had nothing to save yourself from! And you hurt him by doing so. I hate you for that, and I'll never forgive you, even if Kazuki did!"

**-Toshiki-**

Out of all of my expectations, I did not expect Kakei to react like this. While rather shocking and equally as bitter, it was nice to know he wasn't completely devoid of emotion. Would he have reacted the same way if I would have told him all of those years ago? Perhaps... Much of him was still the same. As much as I hated to admit it, even to myself, let alone aloud, but he was intriguing in a sense. Although I'd never tell him that.

"He's probably laughing at us right now." It was as if I hadn't heard a single word he'd just said. The fact that I was not fighting back seemed to calm him down however. He let out a deep breath, his face flushed due to the sudden overwhelming emotion. "Or angry because we aren't listening to him... Do you think people can eavesdrop when they're dead?"

"But that's impossible..."

"Improbable," I say, mocking what he'd just told me before. "Never impossible."

A small laugh escapes him, "Yes, I suppose you're right. I guess if anyone could do it, he could."

Another long pause, though this one isn't as awkward. In fact, I welcome it, and so does Kakei. It's strange to think that anything can be mutual between us, even for a moment, even if it's just silence.

He coughs before speaking. "Aren't you... Angry at all, Uryu?"

"Why should I be?"

"I... I just..." He didn't even know why I should be upset. "Because I just told you that I hated you and--"

"I'm going to be honest."

"Alright," he says, sounding confused, not knowing in the slightest what I am going to say.

"You..." When I start to speak, even I too don't know what I'm meaning to say just as he didn't know why I should be infuriated. Was it that he caught me off guard? That his reaction was indeed unexpected...

"You're just more human when you're angry. It's different. It's not like when we were in Fuuga," he frowns at my response thoughtfully.

"Mm, people change, Uryu, even me. You have changed as well. If I'd said those things to you six years ago, I imagine a war in the group would've started." He didn't seem to mind that I had indirectly poked at the humanity that he so effortlessly lacked. "That's probably why Kazuki waited for us to confront each other. Even now, I... I feel better."

"It's called relieving stress, Kakei. Apparently you need to do that more often," I say dryly. I shrug, regardless of whether he could see it or not. "You're probably right about waiting, but you loved him too. Why else would you hate me so much?"

**-Juubei-**

I tense in obvious discomfort in the chair from which I haven't moved in since I'd arrived. Uryu evidently found this reaction humorous. "What? No, it was never my place to..." It feels as if I'm making more excuses for myself rather than explaining it to him.

"Come off it. He's not here anymore, so it isn't as if anything would change even if you admitted to it," he says with an oddly relaxed tone. "You said yourself that I could've taken him away. Did you mean from you?"

"I was referring to many things... From Fuuga itself, from the pain he suffered through--"

"And you couldn't? Save him from at least that, I mean."

"Not when I'd suffered through it with him. He deserved a new life, a better one. Whether he felt I was necessary once he'd found that life was up to him." It was true. Uryu had embodied just what I so desperately feared, but after he'd left Fuuga, I still could've never told Kazuki. My moral obligations were far too important. I was made to protect him, nothing more. Nothing more...

"He'd get angry with you for thinking that way, you know."

"And he'd get angry with you for assuming that he didn't care about you in the slightest."

"Oh, I'm not saying he didn't care about me. He cared about me... With just as much regard as Sakura and Saizou." His voice was still jokingly bitter and full of envy towards me.

"You read his letter," I say securely. Even if I had no idea what it said, it had to hold meaning and significance. What point would Kazuki have in writing it?

Still he scoffs, though not in the same angry manner. It seems like he is amused with my words, my trying to justify Kazuki's feelings.

"I did, and I appreciate that he wrote me, and maybe even that you bought it for me, but that isn't my point. He just never loved me like he did you," he pauses sighing deeply, "I thought I'd gotten over that much... It's been too long," he finished, his rhetorical sentence reminiscent of our younger days.

"We were still never lovers, regardless of my feelings or his. That's all I'll say about that matter." I feel satisfied with my answer. At least it would get Uryu off of my case for now.

"Mmm," he responds. Although I pick up that he doesn't sound fully convinced. I don't know why... If he chooses to remain in his own, paranoid world who am I to drag him out? He'd never listened to me before... Why should I even bother to justify such a thing with him.

** -Toshiki-**

He shifts noticeably when I stand to turn on the light. By now the sun is setting and the light in the room is fading steadily. A bleeding tinge of red leaks through the window as opposed to the pouring bright light of day.

"What time is it?" He asks me inquiringly.

"It's nearly dark," I reply, almost forgetting that he couldn't tell what time of day it was. I attempt to imagine falling asleep and waking up to the same hostile darkness, unsure as to where I happened to be or even what time if day it could be. The thought sent shivers down my spine, but Kakei, however, appeared perfectly fine with his 'repentance.'

"Ah, I should head back. Surely Anee-chan didn't think I'd be gone so long... Neither did I really," he says standing. I realize how much he's grown since our days in Fuuga. Silently I wondered how Kazuki had matured after I'd left as well; he'd always been so feminine after all.

Feeling polite, I go against my unkind nature towards him and walk him to the door. I want to say something, but I lack the emotion, the drive to tell him that he can even visit again if he wanted to. It hadn't been bad reminiscing, even if I still didn't particularly like him. Whether I wanted to admit to it or not, Fuuga had been a large part of my life at one time.

"Uryu, thank you for... Listening," I am pulled from my thoughts with his words; I want to laugh at his strangeness. Never in my life have I been complimented on my ability to listen.

"Whatever, Kakei. I was only complying to what Kazuki wanted."

Again, he seems slightly off, like when he told me hurriedly about his relationship with Kazuki prior to his death. About how they'd never been lovers.

Time, after that becomes too surreal, so unexplainable. As a parting, we do not hug or even shake hands like most "comrades" would've done. In a chaste, however fluid motion, he plants an unexpected kiss to my lips leaving me completely dumbfounded-- too much so to even curse at him or punch him.

"Wh--" He cuts me off. While the brief kiss was not vile or disgusting at all, it was completely uncalled for. _'What the hell made him think to...'_

"Just as Kazuki had requested a conversation from you, that was his request for me."

Still, shock consumes me. My mind is spewing angry, confused, hating words, but my voice isn't anywhere to be found. The words are kept locked in my throat. I wanted to ask why it was such a ridiculous request. What had Kazuki been thinking! Was it a joke! Fury boiled in through my whole body. Of course Kakei would comply-- if Kazuki had wanted him to fall from the tallest building in Mugenjou, or if he wanted him to drink poison in torturously slow amounts he would've done so with no regrets. There were so many things to say, to scream...

"And I lied before... Kazuki and I were together as you thought-- but it was only once. It was the night after you'd left." Again, shock. Thankfully he could not see the pallid white of my face. The shock didn't come from the fact that they'd slept together, or that he lied-- of course he wouldn't want to tell me, but the timing... It had been so peculiar and questionable.

_'Why then? Why not before or later than that?'_ My head was swimming with the missing rationale and I felt faint with emotion because of it. His sentence comes out choppy as if he were admitting to a crime punishable by death. He was not proud, or even neutral as I thought he would be, nevertheless it explains his hesitancy, his strange, reclusive answers from before.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" I finally blurt out almost incoherently. His blind eyes avert mine in shame due to his earlier lie. Perhaps he had just admitted to a crime punishable by death. Getting past me was his fall from am infamously tall building, the slowest but deadliest of poisons. On one hand, it was wonderfully empowering to give into the anger I was feeling. On the other, the reason why I was giving in was driving a dull ache into my heart. "So, you did," I utter quietly. "You did sleep with him... You're a horrible liar. I should've known." I spit venomous words at him, all the while wanting to read the letter Kazuki had written him-- to know the last words exchanged from one to the other. "Did Kazuki ask you to tell me? You knew what he meant when he wanted us to talk, didn't you?"

"No," he spoke defensively, "Kazuki didn't want you to know-- he knew how derogatory it was and how much it would hurt you. I thought you deserved to know." He speaks quietly, as if I need his pity.

"As what? A friend! Well, thanks, I really appreciate it. I can't help but admire your fucking honesty." My voice is dripping with fiery sarcasm. Frankly, I didn't want to hear about his noble intentions towards me. I'd rather not have known at all...

"I have to go." By now the only light left is the artificial illumination from the lamp in the other room. The sun was gone, but for him it always will be. He turns to leave, obviously annoyed with my ungratefulness, but what more could he expect? He should've known that I would be anything but thankful. I grab his arm unsympathetically and he winces.

"Why did you do that?" There is evident restraint in my voice as I attempt to subside my anger subside to a minimum. I at least need a decent explanation. It was the other reason as to why my curiosity was piqued about Kazuki's last message to him. Compared to the "conversation" he had asked me to initiate, that kiss had to be a sick joke. Kazuki must've been mad for even daring to write such a request!

"What?" As if he didn't know what I was speaking of. His lying abilities were once again lacking, but I don't bother to acknowledge them.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"Are you deaf, Uryu? Kazuki-" I can already hear his planned answer in my mind before he can even begin it.

"I heard what you said, Kakei! Hell can't possibly be that boring, can it! What's the point! What's his point!" He snatches his arm back just as unkind as I'd been.

"There is no point. I still don't know why... But I've done what was asked, so let me leave." This time there was no lie in his behalf. The gesture Kazuki had planned bemused him just as much.

_'Maybe hell is that boring,'_ I muse before speaking.

"Mm, go; I'll see you in another six years," I say, letting him know that I believe his words, regardless if I liked them or not.

He let's out a small laugh, "Yes, in another six years," he repeats before stepping out into the unwelcoming cold, but he is unfazed, always unfazed.

Despite our strange parting, we knew it'd be earlier than six years before we were to meet again.


End file.
